Archive for September, 2010

UGH!  So, I am getting my ass in shape.  I want to do the USMC Mud Run next year.  Today, I met with a trainer at Gold’s Gym.  He asked all sorts of health- and body-related questions:  “What are your top goals?” “When do you feel you were at your best physical state?” “How committed are you?”  “Are there any big events that are motivating you?”  I found out that it is not going to take me as long to reach my goals (less than a year).  My real age is 41.  My health age is 45.  Not too shabby. I think.   I refuse (in a traditional female way) to post my weight on the world wide web, but it’s NOT what I want it to be.  It will be!

Today’s trainer, Duston, was hilarious, and he kicked my ass in just a few minutes!  He was lighthearted, but made me push myself.  He was born the year I graduated high school, so we decided this was a good omen to get back to my high school self! (or really just close to it)  I decided to dole out the money for a weekly (not more!) trainer to keep me accountable and on target.  After considering it, I determined that I wanted to be healthy and fit, more than I wanted to go out, buy new shoes (maybe not more than I want new books), and mainly more than I wanted to hand over money to doctors because I was unhealthy.  Luckily, I haven’t reached that stage yet – the diabetes/high blood pressure/high cholesterol stage. Forunately for me, I have never smoked.  That is such a huge factor.

This time 12 months from now, I will have reached ALL of my fitness goals.  That just seems like not time at all!  I can tell you, after busting my ass tonight, I do NOT want to add anymore to what I am trying to get rid of!  Geez!  So, it’s 3 days of weight training 4-5 days of cardio, 3-4 days of strength training, and I am going to add some yoga as well.  Before I add the yoga, I am going to have to learn those positions so I don’t look like a bigger dumbass!  Ha!

I want to be fit and strong for three reasons:

1- The Mud Run 2011

2- My 25 high school reunion is coming up (fuckin’ ay, i’m old!)

3- I will be 42 next year

Those are all excellent reasons I think.  I am doing this for me.  I have spent my entire adult life taking care of everyone else.  I am going to start putting  me first, because frankly no one else does or has sin I was a child.  I am not sad about this; it’s just something that has been, but doesn’t have to be any longer.

In addition to upping my physicality, I am paying  closer attention to my food intake.  Cheese, my beloved cheese, we can be together no more.  Or not much anyway.  I bought 99% fat free turkey tonight for sandwiches AND NO CHEESE OR MAYO!  I bought lots of veggies, fruits, yogurt, grains, legumes and some fat free milk for my Cheerios and oatmeal.  I am not going to cut myself off completely because that’s not realistic for certain situations: The State Fair, Thanksgiving and the Free For All.  French fries are officially off the menu, except for the Fair!  I rarely drink sodas, unless I have an upset stomach, so that’s not a problem.  I drink tons of water and unsweetened tea. I just really need to work out more and harder.

I am really glad I have been walking 3-5 miles pretty regularly or I would really feel like shit tonight!

So my achy thighs will now go to bed! Tomorrow at 6, back to the trainer!  Stay tuned.

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For all of my bravado and audacity, I only show people about 70% of what I really am.  I usually say what I am thinking, but always know, I’m holding back just a bit.  Inside, I am usually repressing some feeling or thought that I think it’s safest to leave unspoken.  Safest for me.  I am generally, not concerned about how it will make me appear to most of the population, but I have gotten so used to agreeing to do things I really don’t want to do that it’s only a rare few that gets the gritty truth.  I have probably only revealed romantic interest in 5% of the men to whom I’ve actually been attracted. It’s much safer to not step out on that limb.  This I have learned the hard way.  I am not a heart on my sleeve kind of girl with my emotions, except those of the pissed off variety, but even those, I often tamp down – it’s usually not worth the uproar.  But for sure, sadness, disappointment, unrequited love – those will remain on the down-low, controlled and only displayed to a select few, no matter how raw or painful.

I often wish I could have grown up a crazy one.  The one who drinks daily, smokes weed, snorts, shoots up, doesn’t work, sleeps, mooches, disappoints, but most importantly, does so with  reckless uncaring abandon – regarding those who care for them.  I would love to just give in to insanity and blame all of my problems, failures, insecurities on some one thing or person.  The idea of just sitting in a mental hospital on drugs and telling people what they want to hear is appealing.  Unfortunately, at some point they’d see through my ruse.  They’d know I’m no more crazy than the next man or woman.   The ironic thing about this, I am pretty sure I”m in the majority.

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So, it’s been a while since I have done shown some love (and some unlove)

Things I am loving right now:

**almond bear claws from Publix

**teen lit

**my new teaching ideas


**fresh, new razor cartridges

**the promise of fall in the air some mornings

**the reminder of summer in the air most afternoons

**planning my halloween costume

**playing with Matthew

**my new clinique mascara

**walker’s short bread

**my friends

**all of my dog/house/pool sitting jobs

**tammy’s pimento cheese

**thinking about the SC State Fair in a month!!

**reading my students’ journals (my favorite of which was a funny, cute account of trying to get Justin Beiber’s phone number on Twitter)

**our seventh graders this year

**ginger ale

**goat cheese


**orbit spearmint gum

**my kitties

**a certain man who can always make me laugh


**new tv line ups

**project runway

**tim gunn telling off one of the contestants on PR

**Pinnacle whipped cream vodka with orange juice

**Jon Stewart and The Daily Show


**new season of The Amazing Race in two weeks!
Stuff I am not loving….

>>fall allergy season (achoooo)

>>car repairs


>>being too busy to walk (which will be rectified this week!)

>>my  tan is fading

>>extremists who are intolerant

>>the stinkiness of the river

>>lazy students

>>my messy room

>>judgmental people who don’t know what they’re talking about

>>not being a trustfund baby or lottery winner


>>those ankle boot sandals mutations

>>jelly shoes

>>katy perry songs (all of them)

>>my spilling everything

>>my crappy old ass mattress

>>my crappy ankle

>>white chocolate

>>raspberry anything

>>lemon anything

>>the new cherry 7UP formula

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I hate my brain!  I have been reminded about this a lot lately.  I have a notorious habit of thinking “the fun out of things”.

My brain never shuts down.  I think that this is why I have trouble sleeping.  I get in the bed and close my eyes and immediately forty things flood in.  I will worry and think about money, people, plans, you name it.  It doesn’t even have to be worry.  I can also just be consumed with thinking about random things from the day, maybe something one of my students said, or something I read or saw on TV.

I always have this problem when I am dating someone.  We start dating.  I like them, but then I start thinking, what if this is just some crazy endorphine-crazed attraction?  What if after a couple of months he gets on my nerves, or I piss him off?  What if I turn out not to be what he thought I was?  He’s really nice, but what if I meet someone I like better, or what if he meets someone he likes MORE?  SHUT UP BRAIN!!!!!

Then, with jobs, what if I get a job and then don’t like the people with whom I work?  I don’t really worry about not being able to do my job.  I can learn to do anything, and I’m pretty fearless.  Now that I have been teaching at the same place for years, I don’t really have the stress of not liking my co-workers.  I work with a great group of teachers, regardless of our faults and quirks.  I KNOW I can teach, and I like my kids, so work is always fun, even if it is hectic and frustrating.  I know it’s because I’m manic and compulsive so that I am compelled to not stop thinking about thing or people.

I think the over active brain is one of the reasons I have always liked writing and reading. If I am reading, I am generally ONLY reading.  I am not thinking about a lot of stuff. Writing helps get a lot of the gibberish out of my head.

Ok, I don’t rally hate my brain unless it is causing me some dilemma.  I like it when it is telling me:  Take your drunk ass home and DO NOT call that boy or text that boy or…..you know…

Generally the brain has helped me be pretty rational and not too emotional.  Although in the past it has gotten me into trouble, but i think it’s more “The  Tumor (see former blogs) than my brain.
When I have a problem or situation that I need to resolve, my brain is in overdrive. I will be thinking and formulating plans and almost not even realize it.  I guess, overall my brain and I maintain a love/hate relationship.  It’s one that has been going on for so long, I don’t really think I would want to end it.  Weird, huh?

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To Tattoo or Not To Tattoo

I always go through periods when I think I want to get a tattoo.  It’s been a long-time idea (since before they were “all the rage”).  Now, that everyone has them, that makes me want one less, but then I see some really beautiful ones, and I think I do again!!  If I were to get one it would be one of sentimental value to me. It wouldn’t be some team logo or cartoon character.  If I get one it will be some sort of homage to THE HOBB.  I do miss the ol’ gal. I also have liked the idea of a gargoyle, or just some words.  I am always thinkin’ up something.

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