June 4, 1987, I had it ALL planned out, no vision boards necessary. The next ten years were all laid out in my head. I would go to the College of Charleston, live with my best friend, become a child psychologist, find Mr. Right, get married, have 3 kids (all boys) and live happily ever after. HAHAHA! Oh, how much I knew at 18. I did go to C of C and live with Amy Jo. That’s about as far as I got in my 10-year plan. During my Freshman year, I met and fell in love with who thought was my Mr. Right. We were together for 4 years, then broke up the month I graduated. During my Sophomore year, I decided I didn’t want to be a child psychologist. I had always thought about teaching and law school. So, obviously, the next step was to obtain a very useful English degree. While I was doing that, I was also taking education classes so I could teach when I graduated, until I went to law school. Changing my major and my overly active social life, plus working three jobs screwed up my credit hours, I ended up getting to the end of my financial aid eligibility and not finishing my student teaching. I graduated. I moved home. I got a job in a law firm. I got my paralegal certificate.
All that time, I was living with my grandmother. Ultimately, we would live together until her death. She could not financially take care of herself when she got too old to work, so I took over the bills. I was glad to do it. She had worked hard her entire life. She deserved some time to lounge around and a little pocket money from her Social Security check.
Fast forward 20 years from my high school graduation. My grandma passes away. She had been ill and chose to no longer take her medications. The event in my life that I am most proud of is allowing her the dignity of her death. She never wanted to be in a hospital, hooked up to machines. My entire life she had always told us she wanted to die at home. That was my last gift to her. She died in her bed surrounded by her family and friends. I will never regret that decision.
So, I still hadn’t found Mr. Right, had three sons but I was living pretty happily, aside from the normal grief that comes with life and death. Ultimately, I did find and marry Mr. Right. Unfortunately, it was rather late in life and I don’t know that we will have 1 child, much less three. I can take some solace in knowing that I have had the joy of impacting the lives of hundreds of children.
Now, 30 years later, almost to the day, my senior class is celebrating and preparing for our reunion. I am seeing lots of family and friends graduate or promote from kindergarten, middle school, high school and college. I think about all of those high school and college graduates and their “plans”. I can only offer advice that at 18 or 22 you’re probably not going to think is very realistic.
First, take chances. Don’t sit and wait for anything to come to you. It won’t. Whether it’s a job opportunity or that special girl or guy, you have to go after it. Time is not on your side. In one blink, you are 30 then 40 then 30 again (haha).
Second, forgive. Don’t hold grudges or hatred towards someone else, if you can avoid it. It only makes you feel bad. They usually don’t even know or care. Forgiveness is more for you than for the other person. It allows you to move on.
Third, don’t wait. That’s similar to taking chances, but different. Don’t wait for that ex-girlfriend to realize she wants you back. Don’t wait until your 40 and then decide you want to go to law school, but realize you have too many adult responsibilities to justify another $100k for schooling.
Fourth, have fun! There are so many amazing things you can do. Travel alone, meet new people. Take that class in class French cuisine or creative writing. Plant flowers in the yard because you LIKE that, not because you want your yard to live up to the Joneses down the road. Be silly. It’s okay to laugh at yourself. It’s pretty necessary actually to keep a sane mind
Fifth, let the people you love know it. I have a friend whose parents never say they love each other or even tell this man or his sister that they love them. I tell my husband multiple times a day that I love him.
Sixth, actions speak louder than words. Sometimes idioms enter our culture because they are true. Thought you may tell others you love them, SHOW them you love them. Clean up the cat barf because you know your wife doesn’t like to. Call and make the dental appointment because you know your husband hates talking on the phone. You can still be a snarky jackass and show kindness. Just ask me, I do it every day.
Seventh, cut the people out who need to be cut out. Sometimes, we have to “break up” with friends and even family because they are toxic to our lives. We must watch out for ourselves sometimes. It’s not easy, but sometimes it is necessary for your well-being.
Eighth, sometimes we don’t know everything. Whether you’re new to a job or in a workplace, whether you are going through an illness or a divorce, SOMEONE has been there before and can give you reassurances, guidance and an empathic ear.
Ninth, step out of your comfort zone. Try new things that scare you! Public speaking! Parachuting out of an airplane! Asking that person out! Getting out of your rut will invigorate you!
Tenth, finally, ignore all of this if you want, because ultimately, it’s your life to live and no one can judge you for your decisions and how you carve your path. As long as your actions don’t inflict harm on others, trudge on.
I’m not writing this just for you nubile adults just graduating. Sometimes we old folks need a reminder, too.
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Incoherent Ramblings 