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Archive for the ‘health and diet’ Category

I am getting a hysterectomy in a month.  While this is bittersweet, the plus side I am focusing on is that my iron levels should increase.  Granted, I have been anemic since childhood, but I am hoping that this procedure will up that hemoglobin.  I complain about a lot of things: Donald Trump, Republicans, the patriarchy, fruit and meat together, people who back into parking places, people who don’t watch their kids in restaurants, Donald Trump, non voters, etc.  BUT, I rarely complain about how I feel, unless it’s like a “man, I am getting a cold” kind of complaint.  I also have a pretty high pain tolerance.

I have been doing some research on anemia, and I had NO idea of all the ways it affects your body.  The first is fatigue.  Obviously, I am tired all of the time.  I just thought it was because I am old and fat.  It’s like a big circle.  I’m fat because I am too tired to do anything when I get home.

Then there is the shortness of breath.  I thought it was just from asthma.  Apparently, this, too, is a symptom.  WHHHHEEEEEZ

My sore legs are a huge problem.   Granted, I have Frankenhoof (I think I have mentioned this before, TL;DR – I have a cadaver ankle), but my leg muscles ache frequently.  I rarely sit still because they ache.  They are aching right now, and I have change sitting positions at least 3 times since I started typing this.

Dry hair, dry skin, itchy scalp.  Got it.

Bad fingernails.  My finger nails are quite thin and what is described as “spoon shaped”.  Didn’t know that was related until I googled “What is wrong with my weird finger nails and how can I fix it”.

The biggie: frequent infections and low immune system.  I catch EVERYTHING the kids bring to school.   I am allergic to at least 51 things in my environment.  (true story, had the tests, got the shots) I am hoping after this my sinus and respiratory infections decrease.

(Just changed leg position)

Headaches.

Paleness.  I get so pale sometimes that one of the women I used to teach with threatened to force feed me liver “because my skin is ghost white and my lips are “bluish” and that isn’t normal. ”

Granted I would gladly have lived with all of these if it meant I could have a baby, but I can’t, so why keep my “lady business” (as my husband refers to it)?  It does nothing but cause me constant pain and discomfort. So this time next month, I hope to be high on pain meds and only a little sad.

 

 

 

 

 

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I am sure most of you are sitting around thinking, “What is going on with Kim’s uterus?”  Obviously, since a woman’s uterus is up for public discussion, this is a natural thought for you to be having.  As you know, Jennings and I have been struggling to have a baby for the nearly 5 years now.  We wanted to do this the natural, romp in the hay way, but that’s not an option for us now. We also can’t buy any eggs and IVF isn’t an option either.  So really, all that was left was adoption, which seems to have stalled out for a while now.

Well, last year, I had horrendous monthly “cycles” (that’s periods for you not of sensitive mindsets).  I won’t get into the disgusting details, but they were the worst experiences each month. After discovering that my uterus was the same size it was when I was 4 months pregnant and we lost our baby, my doctor decided I need to have two procedures.  Apparently, it never returned to normal size.  As we all know, I always have to be the odd ball.  This predicament was not atypical.  Anyway, my doctor had to perform a hysteroscopy and an ablation.  You can look them up if you want to know the details, but they were supposed to help reduce the severity of my periods each month and help shrink my uterus.  Then, I was told, “Now, that you’ve had these procedures, you can under no circumstances become pregnant.”   We’ll decide in a few months if/when we’ll schedule your hysterectomy.

Well, that was that.   It was basically a really emotional, terribly sad time for us.  Admitting that one dream you have had your entire life is now gone is devastating as fuck.  But you pack it up with the other disappointments in life and move forward.

As a result of these procedures, I was taking a low-dose, continual-dose progesterone birth control bill.  Thankfully, it did help my menstrual problems, but it had some side effects.  Oh, I have also been anemic for years, so I take an iron prescription that costs $68 a month, with insurance. With the procedure, the lesser periods and the iron pills my hemoglobin is now up to 12.5!  I have had it as low as 7.9, so everyone was really pleased.  I also have been able to up the hysterectomy off indefinitely, so there’s another plus.  No baby for you, but at least you don’t feel like aliens are shredding your giant uterus.  Meanwhile, the fertility gods will impregnate these fourteen year olds and these drug addicts, and other idiots who can’t take care of themselves much less a baby.

Poor Jennings has suffered greatly.  The primary side effect that I have dealt with is NO LIBIDO.  None.  Now, I am a liker of the sex. Seriously, when it’s consensual and loving, it’s the greatest!  Jennings is patient and loving and kind, so he didn’t put up too much complaint.  On top of that, I was also coming to terms with our infertility, so I was a handful.

Fast forward to today. I went to talk to my doctor, who I really like, and figure out what to do.  I will now be using an IUD.  The doctor says I am not menopausal yet, but when that happens, this will help with that as well.  The doctor was hilarious telling Jennings to watch out because I would be a handful now.  He was laughing and making funny faces like he was really cool picking on Jennings, who was on the phone.  So that’s the latest.

It has been like coming to terms with the death of someone you really love.

I decided to share this intimate store because men love to tell us what to do with our bodies, so I thought they were entitled to the full story.  I deleted the literally gory details, because I know they are quite sensitive so such matters.

And, remember, never ask a couple why they don’t have kids. Or if they want kids. Or whatever else you think is your business, because it’s not.

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– Tonight, I have a raging headache that I have been fighting for days. I am now drugged up on Benadryl and Dalmane, hoping for some sleep.

– I have had a roller coaster week, and right now I am on a down slope. I can see a little curve up ahead, but I don’t know if that’s going to take me back up or further down.  I’m not sad, so don’t be sending me all these little pity comments. I am just frustrated, confused, broke and ready for good things to happen on a regular basis.

– It has been a shitty year, and I am ready for the next six months to be awesome. The first six have sucked in a major way.   If there was just one area of my life that was AMAZING, the mediocre parts wouldn’t be as oppressive.

– Really, the problem is I am not used to failing at things I attempt.  (Except Algebra)  Somehow, a specific area of my life has proven time and again to be a failure. Please no homey epithets or clichés.  I am NOT a fatalist.  I am realistic and pragmatic.  I am also about ready to throw in the proverbial towel.

– I have always worried about meat going bad in the fridge, but after hours of watching Food Network, and watching them let meat sit in a marinade for 3 and 4 days, I am rethinking this.

– I was a late bloomer, and did not date a lot in high school.  I didn’t for a while, but this year I tried to be more proactive, but I have at least been going on dates pretty regularly this year. I pretty much hate it. I like being in a relationship, but I hate the dating process.  I hate all that wondering and doubting and insecurity.  This is why it’s just easier to be single.

– I am really baffled by people who still vote for bad politicians. I don’t mean bad as in “evil”, I mean they suck at their jobs.  I am not going to continue to vote for someone who is doing a shitty job just because they have a D beside their name.

– As a child and well into adulthood, I was obsessed with bubblegum and blowing bubbles. I have spent thousands of dollars on Bubble Yum, Hubba Bubba, Fortune gum, Bubblicious, Super Bubble.  Once, I start chewing it, it is almost physically impossible to stop myself.

– I need to find some duck fat and cook something in it. It is apparently the culinary shit.

– I also am beginning to think I need to move to a new state or city.   I don’t think I’m a suitable Southern Girl, which has resulted in my chronic singular status.  Although, on occasion I meet someone who makes me think, maybe…. I am looking at options for relocation within the year. Shhh, don’t tell my friends.

– Parents, you should go ahead and tell kids now that life is going to be hard and nothing will go according to plan.  Right now, my godmother is struggling financially, and I think she’s a bit lonely.  When I was younger money never seemed to strap her like it does now, but she was ill and had to quit working for a while. Now she’s trying to find work, but it’s not easy for a women in her 60s to obtain gainful employment, although she is VERY skilled. I am sure this is not how she planned her twilight years to be. I can guarantee that this is not the adulthood I thought I’d have.

– I wish bacon was low fat and healthy.  I’d be in tip top shape.

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Stronger

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I have never slept.  Even as a little tiny kid.  The earliest I remember not being able to fall asleep was probably around 4 years old. (My earliest memory I can remember back to when I was 2 and this family had a wreck in front of our house when it was icy and snowing.  We had just been outside making a tiny snow man to put in the freezer).  When I was 4 and 5, I would sneak out of bed and hide under the table in our dining room to watch television while Gramma and my mom or aunt were in the living room. Where the table was, I had a perfect view of tv.  I never fell asleep under there. I would lie on the floor and watch until I got tired, then I would tiptoe back in to my room. Our house was like a big circle so I would sometimes have to go through the bathroom and another bed room to get to the dining room.

If I didn’t go loll around under the table, I would just lay in bed and day dream or tell my self stories.  As I got older and my sister and cousin was there with me, I would talk to them and keep them awake, but they weren’t night owls like I was. Eventually, they would fall asleep, and I would be on my own. I can remember being awake in bed tossing and turning while everyone was asleep, adults and kids.  When I was really little it was sort of scary, but as I got older, I was used to it.

When I was around 8 or 9, Gramma decided to humor me.  She told me I could get up after Kelli went to sleep. She was hoping if I was being quiet trying to get Kelli to sleep, I would fall asleep, too.  It didn’t work.  I would try to get Kelli to count, say her alphabet, whatever, play the quiet game.  Finally, when Kelli fell asleep I could get up and read until I was tired.  That was the best.  Once I learned to read I didn’t mind not sleeping anymore.  I could read all night, sleep a couple of hours, get up and go to school.  I would read until I was tired and then go to bed.  I was never a problem to wake up and get ready.  I would actually usually wake up before everyone else, too, and get them up for work and school.

As I got older, it wasn’t scary to be awake when everyone else was asleep. I would get up and check the doors and look outside to see if it was raining or if there was anyone out there.

Insomnia served me well in college when I would need to pull all-nighters to finish up papers or study for tests.  Now, as an adult, I still have insomnia.  I know that it is bad for you to never sleep.  I know I should probably sleep more.  I know that there are pills that could probably help me sleep more.  There is just too much to do in one day to sleep, even if it is just grading papers and watching tv.

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UGH!  So, I am getting my ass in shape.  I want to do the USMC Mud Run next year.  Today, I met with a trainer at Gold’s Gym.  He asked all sorts of health- and body-related questions:  “What are your top goals?” “When do you feel you were at your best physical state?” “How committed are you?”  “Are there any big events that are motivating you?”  I found out that it is not going to take me as long to reach my goals (less than a year).  My real age is 41.  My health age is 45.  Not too shabby. I think.   I refuse (in a traditional female way) to post my weight on the world wide web, but it’s NOT what I want it to be.  It will be!

Today’s trainer, Duston, was hilarious, and he kicked my ass in just a few minutes!  He was lighthearted, but made me push myself.  He was born the year I graduated high school, so we decided this was a good omen to get back to my high school self! (or really just close to it)  I decided to dole out the money for a weekly (not more!) trainer to keep me accountable and on target.  After considering it, I determined that I wanted to be healthy and fit, more than I wanted to go out, buy new shoes (maybe not more than I want new books), and mainly more than I wanted to hand over money to doctors because I was unhealthy.  Luckily, I haven’t reached that stage yet – the diabetes/high blood pressure/high cholesterol stage. Forunately for me, I have never smoked.  That is such a huge factor.

This time 12 months from now, I will have reached ALL of my fitness goals.  That just seems like not time at all!  I can tell you, after busting my ass tonight, I do NOT want to add anymore to what I am trying to get rid of!  Geez!  So, it’s 3 days of weight training 4-5 days of cardio, 3-4 days of strength training, and I am going to add some yoga as well.  Before I add the yoga, I am going to have to learn those positions so I don’t look like a bigger dumbass!  Ha!

I want to be fit and strong for three reasons:

1- The Mud Run 2011

2- My 25 high school reunion is coming up (fuckin’ ay, i’m old!)

3- I will be 42 next year

Those are all excellent reasons I think.  I am doing this for me.  I have spent my entire adult life taking care of everyone else.  I am going to start putting  me first, because frankly no one else does or has sin I was a child.  I am not sad about this; it’s just something that has been, but doesn’t have to be any longer.

In addition to upping my physicality, I am paying  closer attention to my food intake.  Cheese, my beloved cheese, we can be together no more.  Or not much anyway.  I bought 99% fat free turkey tonight for sandwiches AND NO CHEESE OR MAYO!  I bought lots of veggies, fruits, yogurt, grains, legumes and some fat free milk for my Cheerios and oatmeal.  I am not going to cut myself off completely because that’s not realistic for certain situations: The State Fair, Thanksgiving and the Free For All.  French fries are officially off the menu, except for the Fair!  I rarely drink sodas, unless I have an upset stomach, so that’s not a problem.  I drink tons of water and unsweetened tea. I just really need to work out more and harder.

I am really glad I have been walking 3-5 miles pretty regularly or I would really feel like shit tonight!

So my achy thighs will now go to bed! Tomorrow at 6, back to the trainer!  Stay tuned.

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