Incoherent Ramblings

I hate my brain!  I have been reminded about this a lot lately.  I have a notorious habit of thinking “the fun out of things”.

My brain never shuts down.  I think that this is why I have trouble sleeping.  I get in the bed and close my eyes and immediately forty things flood in.  I will worry and think about money, people, plans, you name it.  It doesn’t even have to be worry.  I can also just be consumed with thinking about random things from the day, maybe something one of my students said, or something I read or saw on TV.

I always have this problem when I am dating someone.  We start dating.  I like them, but then I start thinking, what if this is just some crazy endorphine-crazed attraction?  What if after a couple of months he gets on my nerves, or I piss him off?  What if I turn out not to be what he thought I was?  He’s really nice, but what if I meet someone I like better, or what if he meets someone he likes MORE?  SHUT UP BRAIN!!!!!

Then, with jobs, what if I get a job and then don’t like the people with whom I work?  I don’t really worry about not being able to do my job.  I can learn to do anything, and I’m pretty fearless.  Now that I have been teaching at the same place for years, I don’t really have the stress of not liking my co-workers.  I work with a great group of teachers, regardless of our faults and quirks.  I KNOW I can teach, and I like my kids, so work is always fun, even if it is hectic and frustrating.  I know it’s because I’m manic and compulsive so that I am compelled to not stop thinking about thing or people.

I think the over active brain is one of the reasons I have always liked writing and reading. If I am reading, I am generally ONLY reading.  I am not thinking about a lot of stuff. Writing helps get a lot of the gibberish out of my head.

Ok, I don’t rally hate my brain unless it is causing me some dilemma.  I like it when it is telling me:  Take your drunk ass home and DO NOT call that boy or text that boy or…..you know…

Generally the brain has helped me be pretty rational and not too emotional.  Although in the past it has gotten me into trouble, but i think it’s more “The  Tumor (see former blogs) than my brain.
When I have a problem or situation that I need to resolve, my brain is in overdrive. I will be thinking and formulating plans and almost not even realize it.  I guess, overall my brain and I maintain a love/hate relationship.  It’s one that has been going on for so long, I don’t really think I would want to end it.  Weird, huh?