Incoherent Ramblings

(originally posted 2/07)

I am not a big traditionalist.  I pride myself on being pragmatist and a realist, in much the vein of John Dewey.  For the most part, I think that evolution and change are generally good for mankind and our progress as a society.  There are a couple of things from “the good old days” that I think are useful and positive. 

One of these is a family eating meals together.  I was flabbergasted when I taught.  So many of my kids never sat down to a meal with their families.  Some would on special occasions and holidays, but many, not even then.  There were a few of my kids who actually did have nightly meals with their families.  And you know what?  I could point them out.  Without being told.  I would know who these kids were.  They were the kids who cared about their grades and were well-behaved. 

I don’t want to hear the old excuses of no time, too busy, it’s easier, etc.  My gramma worked from 7 a.m. until 4 p.m. every day of the week.  On her feet.  Waiting tables or cooking in a day care.  She also took the bus to work and home, so she was up very early and home around 5:30.  She cooked a hot meal EVERY night.  We sat down at a table and ate a meal together.  We discussed our days.  She asked us about school and our teachers. We told her about upcoming tests, papers, and other assignments.  This continued until I was in college.  She and Kelli still sat down and ate. We had open communication at this dinner table.  We talked about sex.  We talked about fights with friends.  She told us about kids and people at work.  Kelli and I cleaned up afterwards. 

Do you know how hard it was to sit down at that table after she worked hard all day and tell her I got in trouble for talking at school?  All I had to do was go to school and behave.  (Okay, that is harder than it seems, especially for me.)  I think this is what kept me on track academically and behaviorally (for the most part).  Knowing I had to come home and be accountable for my behavior and my day.  That is missing for most of our kids.  They are not accountable or responsible for themselves.  Society and adults make too many excuses for our kids. A lot of them have difficult circumstances.  I don’t doubt that or deny it. I came from a family of difficult circumstances.   

We need to quit allowing our kids to develop a victim mentality.  They will have struggles and strife all of their lives.  Be held accountable for their personal behavior and their own grades is not asking too much of ANY child.  I don’t expect all children to make A’s and B’s.  I don’t expect them all to go to college.  However, I do expect them all to do all of the work assigned to them. I will expect my children to give 100% while they are at work. I give 100% while I am at work, and I have worked at jobs I hate.  Kids are going to have teachers they have personality clashes with.  They are going to have assignments they hate and don’t want to do. SO?  How many of us have task and duties to perform in our daily jobs?  ALL of us!  This just prepares them for life. 

Make your kid sit down with you at night and have a meal.  Sit down and have breakfast.  Make them accountable for themselves.  Teach them to be accountable adults and contributing members of society.  This is an old-fashion idea that still has a place today.  If you aren’t sitting down and having a meal with your family, start.  Start small.  Work up to every night.  It will be worth it.