I am pretty sure I should be the new president of the United States. Here is my campaign platform:
Stupid People Will Be Abolished: Frankly, the cause of most of my frustrations is stupid people and the things they do. They can’t drive. They don’t parent their children properly, allowing them to run amok in restaurants, malls, okay, ALL public places. Stupid People allow their children to talk back and hit and be bratty as small children because it’s funny or cute. Then they grow up to be in middle school and need to have their little attitudes SEVERELY adjusted. They allow OTHER Stupid People to make major decisions affecting our country (i.e. 700 billion dollar mortgage bail out, wars, unemployment, educational policies). More importantly, Stupid People breed with OTHER Stupid People to have Even MORE Stupid children. It’s a vicious cycle.
Student Loan Repayment: College graduates who work in any public service type jobs will have their loans repaid at a certain percentage each year. I don’t mean that it will take decades either. This will cover occupations such as: TEACHING (OBviously), firefighters, law enforcement officers, nurses, social services.
National Beverage Enacted: Unsweetened Iced Tea would become the National Beverage. I would require it to be served in all restaurants in all states. NOT that damned instant shit either. REAL BREWED iced tea. YEAAAAA BOYYY
Baby License: Everyone will be required to take parenting classes as soon as they are pregnant (preferrably before). You must PASS the class to get to keep the baby, or be charged for a live-in nanny.
The Death Plane: I would enact legislation to legalize The Death Plane. I have had the imaginary Death Plane for years. The passengers change periodically. They are all people who are in the media/entertainment industries and annoy the fuck out of me. Some current people on The Death Plane Manifest: George W. Bush, (duh), Paris Hilton, OJ Simpson, Brangelina, Kenley (from Project Runway), Sarah Palin, Warren Jeffs (Mormon Extremist)
THIS IS JUST THE START OF MY PLATFORM. I WILL BE UPDATING THIS AS WARRANTED.
Incoherent Ramblings 
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