Incoherent Ramblings

Lately I have been wanting a boyfriend.  I am not the kind of girl who always has to have a boyfriend.  I really like having a boyfriend, but I don’t NEED to have one. I never have. My sister is the opposite.  she was always dating someone.  I haven’t dated someone in about 5 years.  I miss having a man to do things with.  And I don’t mean sex, well not JUST sex.  If I wanted to have sex, I am pretty sure I could have sex. 

What I really miss is the little intimacies that come with dating someone.  I miss the looks that you give each other, and the other person knows what you’re thinking.  I miss the cuddling on the sofa on days like today.  I miss the days when you lay around in bed naked all day, napping, watching tv, making love, napping some more.  I miss the pats on the butt when you pass each other.  My ex-boyfriend Bryan always patted me on the butt as a show of affection.  Once, after we had been broken up for several months, we were hanging out with a bunch of our friends and drinking.  We were playing pool, and when I walked by he patted me on the butt.  I nearly cried because I really missed that. I told him, you lost the right to do that.  He knew that I was right. 

I miss goofy nicknames for each other.  I miss buying silly little treats for each other.  I miss cooking dinner together and watching movies.  I miss going out to bars or parties but knowing that he is keeping one eye on me to make sure I am okay or that no one is makin’ any moves.    I miss kissing. I miss skinny dipping.  I miss going camping and making love outside under the stars.  I miss having conversations with men who aren’t gay, married or like a brother.  I miss watching basketball games together. I miss going to the movies and holding hands.  I miss those moments after you’ve made love where you lay there spent and tired, but laughing and talking.  I miss going on trips and laughing and singing. Those are the things I miss the most.  Of course I miss making love with someone who knows me and loves me and cares about how the experience is going to be for both of us, not just him. 

So, please don’t offer to fuck me because I say I haven’t had sex in a year.    Know that the sex isn’t what I am missing.  (Okay, I DO miss it, but I miss other things more)  Please don’t think that just because I want a boyfriend that makes me in some way weak or pitiful.  I don’t feel pitiful. I feel like I want someone to share intimate moments with.  I feel like that’s normal.  I am not going to compromise.  I am not going to go out with someone just to have some company.  I am not going to drop my panties because I am horny, and you think you have some smooth moves.