Incoherent Ramblings

I have never slept.  Even as a little tiny kid.  The earliest I remember not being able to fall asleep was probably around 4 years old. (My earliest memory I can remember back to when I was 2 and this family had a wreck in front of our house when it was icy and snowing.  We had just been outside making a tiny snow man to put in the freezer).  When I was 4 and 5, I would sneak out of bed and hide under the table in our dining room to watch television while Gramma and my mom or aunt were in the living room. Where the table was, I had a perfect view of tv.  I never fell asleep under there. I would lie on the floor and watch until I got tired, then I would tiptoe back in to my room. Our house was like a big circle so I would sometimes have to go through the bathroom and another bed room to get to the dining room.

If I didn’t go loll around under the table, I would just lay in bed and day dream or tell my self stories.  As I got older and my sister and cousin was there with me, I would talk to them and keep them awake, but they weren’t night owls like I was. Eventually, they would fall asleep, and I would be on my own. I can remember being awake in bed tossing and turning while everyone was asleep, adults and kids.  When I was really little it was sort of scary, but as I got older, I was used to it.

When I was around 8 or 9, Gramma decided to humor me.  She told me I could get up after Kelli went to sleep. She was hoping if I was being quiet trying to get Kelli to sleep, I would fall asleep, too.  It didn’t work.  I would try to get Kelli to count, say her alphabet, whatever, play the quiet game.  Finally, when Kelli fell asleep I could get up and read until I was tired.  That was the best.  Once I learned to read I didn’t mind not sleeping anymore.  I could read all night, sleep a couple of hours, get up and go to school.  I would read until I was tired and then go to bed.  I was never a problem to wake up and get ready.  I would actually usually wake up before everyone else, too, and get them up for work and school.

As I got older, it wasn’t scary to be awake when everyone else was asleep. I would get up and check the doors and look outside to see if it was raining or if there was anyone out there.

Insomnia served me well in college when I would need to pull all-nighters to finish up papers or study for tests.  Now, as an adult, I still have insomnia.  I know that it is bad for you to never sleep.  I know I should probably sleep more.  I know that there are pills that could probably help me sleep more.  There is just too much to do in one day to sleep, even if it is just grading papers and watching tv.

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