Archive for November 26th, 2007

Great Mysteries of the World

(Originally posted June 27, 2007)

I have noticed there are many great mysteries in this world.  You might not even NOTICE them because they are so allusive and mysterious (thus why they are a mystery).   Here are some you might have noticed too:

1.  Every time I put lotion on my hands, I IMMEDIATELY, have to pee. (If you don’t wash your hands after you pee, then you don’t know why this is a mystery)

2.  I can never sleep when I NEED to.  Like now.  Sleeping would be good since I have work tomorrow. 

3.  I can never sleep in when I have the opportunity. I always wake up at 7 or so. BUT, when I HAVE to get up at 7, I can barely drag my ass out of bed.

4.  Everyone has already eaten when you’re starving and want to go “grab a bite”.

5. When you have money to go shopping, you can never find anything you like, but when you’re broke and “just looking” you ALWAYS find shit you want.  ALWAYS.

6.  You can never remember someone’s name when you really need to. 

7.  George W. Bush is president.

8.  People actually care what Paris, Lindsey and Brittney are doing, more so than they care about our planet, the homeless, or education.

9. The grocery cart works great at the entrance, but by the time you reach produce the front wheel is going whackty whickty whonkwhonkwee and will only turn left. 

10.  Educated people are still ignorant.

11. Food knows when you’re wearing white, especially spaghetti sauce, really any tomato-based foods.

12.  The toilet paper roll is always empty when you’re home alone and no one can bring you a new roll. (this is why I keep ALL spare rolls in the bathroom.)

13.  Things always go on sale right after you buy them at some other store for more money, and most of us are too lazy to take the item back to go purchase it for a cheaper price.

14.  No matter how accomplished you are, there is always someone who makes you feel small.

15.  You still get a little jealous when you see that one ex with someone new.

16.  Every red light on your way to wherever you are going knows when you’re running late.

17.  Any person from SC, regardless of how incredibly intelligent or educated, comes across as an ignorant hillbilly on television, particularly after a national disaster. 

18.  Similar to the previous mystery: Journalist have a keen nose for sniffing out the least educated, most ignorant witness to any event in South Carolina.

There are many more that I think of daily, but right now, this is it.

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